This Time Imperfect.

I must be overreacting.

But I am just so damn angry tonight that it is inflicting physical pain upon my body.

I'm sure you can guess who I'm angry with.

So, we'll skip names and go straight to the point.

I know he cares. I know he really does. But he sure as fuck doesn't know how to show it. He says that he wants to hang out soon, he just never knows when. He says he's busy and doesn't have time. ORLY? Then how come every single night this week he has been able to go to Brandon's house?

Really? I know they're besties, but really. Come on. He has plenty of free time. But he obviously can't sacrifice one night away from his bromantic lover to ask if I can hang out. And I would honestly drop everything I'm doing to see him. Because I don't get to see him that often. And he rarely starts the conversation. It's usually me.

I just can't bear it anymore. He says that he likes me so much, yet can't put his friend aside for one night just to see me, when I know he wants to? He just won't act upon it.

He also told me that he doesn't want to get into another relationship and that he needs time. Honestly? I just want to grab his face and yell, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A RELATIONSHIP IS, DUMBASS!" He's never really been in one, save for the 12 days he was with Rachel.

He gets frustrated easily too. And takes it out on the wrong people. He's gotten angry with me twice now for no particular reason. Yet I'm still crazy about him.

Maybe I'm like Ariel and I'm subconsciously drawn to assholes. I really should listen to Daniel, Kui, Taylor, and Matt because they all dislike him. But, as Alec said, maybe I'm just better at dealing with cocky people. So what's a girl to do?

As Davey Havok wrote in "This Time Imperfect:"

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid,
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue,

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find,
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I don't want to tell him about how I'm feeling though, because I'm scared I'll drive him off. Brandon said something about living in Bellingham... maybe he goes to Western? That would make sense about Spencer wanting to spend a ton of time with him then. Should I just wait it out until I get a definite answer? I can't hurt myself like this anymore. I want to be with him and he wants to be with me, but he just can't show it.

There are only three things I ask for in a relationship/dating situation:
1. spending time
2. talking
3. honesty

.... That's not that difficult.

I really need advice. Help?